Every question is a step on the path to understanding.

One of the biggest concerns for couples entering divorce mediation is how to protect their children throughout the process. Divorcing parents are often deeply worried about the effects the separation will have on their kids and the family as a whole. A divorce mediator can help ease this transition for everyone involved. By outlining the differences between sole custody, joint custody, and visitation rights, the mediator can assist the couple in co-parenting successfully even though they no longer live under the same roof. 

A parenting plan helps divorced parents successfully co-parent their children after separation. It considers the schedules and guidelines necessary for children with parents living apart. Designed to minimize conflicts and reduce uncertainty, a parenting plan leaves little to chance.

Having a solid parenting plan is crucial for supporting both the family and the children during a divorce. A skilled divorce mediator can assist both parents in creating a customized plan that works for everyone involved. This plan addresses issues like scheduling, education, extracurricular activities, summer vacations, and holidays such as Christmas, New Year's, and other significant family or religious celebrations.

Child custody and access often become major sources of frustration and conflict for divorcing parents. Misunderstandings commonly occur about the differences between custody and access. Custody refers to the right to make important decisions regarding a child's care and upbringing. Joint custody means that both parents share the right to make decisions about the child's education, religion, healthcare, and travel. Access is the right to spend time with the children, organizing that time in a manner that serves the best interests of the children. 

In Ontario divorce law, the separation date is when both spouses agree that the marriage has ended and they wish to divorce. The separation date is significant because:

• The total value of all your assets and liabilities is determined as of that date.
• Couples are eligible to obtain a divorce only after one year has passed since the separation date.

The valuation date is the point in time from which a divorcing couple's net assets are calculated. The greater the assets a couple has to divide, the more complex the process of equal division can become. Under Canadian divorce law, the division and equalization of assets can vary from one province to another. 

Under Canadian divorce law, the value of any property acquired during the marriage is generally divided equally between the divorcing spouses. To achieve an equitable accounting, each spouse completes a financial statement that lists all assets and liabilities. These amounts are then combined and split 50/50 to determine the "equalization amount." Even if one spouse retains a particular asset, the other spouse may receive an equalization payment to balance the division. This process ensures that each person receives the same amount of value once all assets and liabilities have been calculated. 

In Ontario divorce law, all assets and property acquired during the marriage are to be divided equally between the spouses. This includes your savings, Registered Retirement Savings Plans (RRSPs), pensions, and any stocks or bonds—all of which are included in the asset calculation and split equally.

Assets or property you owned before the marriage are generally not included in this division, except for the matrimonial home. Additionally, certain amounts are excluded from the equalization process, such as inheritances and personal injury settlements. If there is a valid marriage contract or prenuptial agreement in place, it can also affect the final distribution of assets.

The person who “gets” the house will be determined in mediation. The value of the matrimonial home will be split equally as both parties have equal rights to it under Ontario divorce law. Unlike other property, most of the time it doesn’t matter when the matrimonial home was purchased or whose name is on the papers for the house, both spouses have equal rights to it. 

The matrimonial home is the home you and your spouse were living in at the time of separation. The matrimonial home is unlike other owned property in that most of the time its value will be divided equally regardless of who owns it or when it was purchased. 

All of you and your spouse’s debts incurred during your marriage will be included in the calculation. Debts such as mortgages, credit cards, lines of credit and personal loans will all be split 50/50. 

It's important to ask yourself this question: Is divorce mediation the right path for you? If you aim to finalize your divorce in a cost-effective, timely manner with minimal conflict, then mediation is indeed a suitable option.

Sometimes, individuals find it difficult to move beyond feelings of anger or a sense of being wronged, and may attempt to use the divorce process to retaliate against their spouse. Even if you're feeling upset, it's crucial to understand that mediation is designed to reduce conflict. This approach is most effective when both parties are willing to come together and focus on moving forward.

Choosing a good mediator is naturally a subjective decision; what works well for one person may not be ideal for another. However, several key factors can significantly influence your choice:

• Is the mediator experienced?
• Is the divorce mediator compassionate and understanding of your situation?
• Is there a clear mediation plan or process in place?
• Does the mediator provide a clear and concise retainer agreement?
• If you have children, is the mediator skilled in creating parenting plans?
• Do you feel that your voice is heard and respected?
• Lastly, is the mediator accessible, or are they too busy to communicate with you? In the emotionally charged environment of divorce mediation, this can be a critically important factor.

One of the most common questions about divorce mediation revolves around how the mediation sessions are structured. In my practice, these sessions typically last between one and two hours. The first meeting always includes both spouses and covers the divorce mediation and retainer agreement (link to retainer). This agreement outlines the rules, payment terms, and the overall mediation process.

After the initial joint session, each party will have a private meeting with me, also lasting between one and two hours. This allows each person to share their perspective on the divorce and ensures their voice is heard. I believe this step is critically important in the mediation process.

Following these individual sessions, we will hold a series of two-hour meetings that focus on issues related to children, property, and support. The number of these sessions depends on how much progress the couple makes together.

Once mediation is complete, there will be a final session where I read through the Memorandum of Understanding with both parties to ensure they agree with its contents. Each person will then receive a hard copy to take to their lawyer for independent legal advice.

What are the rules of the mediation?

In mediation, both parties agree to work collaboratively with a neutral third-party mediator to resolve their disputes. The typical rules include:

• Confidentiality: Everything discussed during mediation remains private and cannot be used as evidence in court if mediation doesn't result in an agreement.
• Voluntary Participation: Both parties participate willingly and can choose to withdraw from the process at any time.
• Good Faith Effort: Parties are expected to communicate honestly and strive toward a mutually beneficial resolution.
• Respectful Communication: All participants should speak respectfully, allowing each other to express their viewpoints without interruption.

Is the mediation open or closed?

Mediation sessions are generally closed and confidential. This means only the involved parties and the mediator are present during the sessions. No public record is kept, and information disclosed during mediation cannot be shared outside the process or used in future legal proceedings.

What are the costs?

The costs of mediation can vary based on factors like the mediator's fees, the complexity of the issues, and the number of sessions required. Mediation is typically more cost-effective than going to court. Fees are usually shared equally between both parties, unless another arrangement is agreed upon.

What is the retainer and how is it managed?

A retainer is an upfront fee paid to secure the mediator's services. It is managed as follows:

• Payment: Both parties contribute to the retainer, either equally or according to a mutually agreed-upon split.
• Usage: The mediator draws from the retainer to cover session fees and any additional costs.
• Accounting: Detailed statements are usually provided to show how the retainer funds are being used.
• Replenishment: If the retainer is depleted before the mediation is concluded, additional funds may be requested.
• Refunds: Any unused portion of the retainer is typically refunded to the parties at the end of the mediation process.

Many people worry that using a divorce mediator might not protect their legal rights. However, this concern is unfounded. At the conclusion of mediation, the mediator will produce a Memorandum of Understanding, which outlines in writing all the verbal agreements reached by both parties. This document is then taken to a lawyer who reviews it to ensure that no legal errors have been made. This step, known as independent legal advice, is an essential part of the mediation process. If any legal mistakes are found, the lawyer can correct them before the separation agreement is signed. In essence, divorce mediation will never bind you to a decision that undermines your legal rights.

As a side note, my legal background gives me an advantage in understanding the laws that protect my clients. I have advanced knowledge of divorce laws in Toronto and have collaborated with other divorce attorneys on numerous cases.

The divorce mediation process is completely voluntary, and either party has the right to end it at any time. If a participant wishes to terminate the mediation, they are encouraged to first discuss their concerns with me. I will listen to all questions and issues to see if they can be satisfactorily addressed. If not, the participant is entitled to withdraw from the mediation. 

As the mediator, I may suspend or terminate the mediation process whenever:

• The process is likely to harm or prejudice any of the participants; or
• The usefulness of the mediation has been exhausted; or
• The agreement being reached is unreasonable.

I will always first inform both parties of the reasons why I believe the mediation should be terminated, to see if the circumstances can be changed. If they cannot, I will terminate the mediation and notify both parties accordingly.

In my years of experience, I have never had to terminate a divorce mediation.